Editor of LittleMixico.com
“Confrontation was something I struggled with ALL the time.”
We all have something in our lives that gives us major anxiety and we try to avoid at all costs. Well, mine was confrontation for the longest time. I say ‘was’ because it’s not until just a few days ago that I was able to reflect on how important healthy confrontations were and how I really needed to start doing it. It is a very recent thing that I was able to make myself do, but let me tell you that it is super freeing!
Confrontation was something I struggled with ALL the time, I avoided it at all costs, and even the slightest tension and awkwardness would make my heart beat so fast.
Last week was honestly the worst for me, I suffered with so many different emotions and feelings and I hated feeling this way towards people that were really close to me. Well before this situation happened, I had a phone interview that was surrounded on how I felt about a particular story that spoke to me. The story I chose was selfish friendships and how certain friends always thought about themselves and left their friends lonely, and hurt. I chose this story not because I have had friends like this but because I WAS that friend. I can honestly admit I have always been a selfish person, I always think I am right, and if things don’t go my way I throw relationships away like it was nothing.
I feel like I always tried to justify why I did what I did by telling myself that speaking about the situation would only cause more drama that I didn’t have time for but in reality it was me trying to avoid confrontation. Then I was asked, where I thought my issue of avoiding confrontation came from and I went into deep thought trying to figure out where it all rooted from. Well, I went back to my childhood and some terrible situations I went through where I was confronted several times and was blamed for certain things that I didn’t do by adults, including my parents. I was in elementary at this time. I felt like I was backed into a corner and no one would ever let me talk or stand up for myself because in their heads they had already made up what they thought was true. To this day I think the authorities in that situation were completely wrong and honestly it was one of the most scary things I’ve ever faced.
Anyway, I say all that to say that honestly after reflecting on that part of my life I have always tried to avoid confrontation ever since that point. Now as an adult, I would always try to avoid it because I thought it was unnecessary, and in my head I was like “well, everything happens for a reason. Maybe that person isn’t supposed to be in my life anymore.” Except as an adult I have been doing this with many of my friendships way too often. So much so that after a friend would offend me in any way instead of talking about it and trying to resolve the issue I would literally cut them off completely. Lol crazy! I know. I would think that it was better that way anyway, but not only was I still leaving the resentment in my heart I was also affecting my spiritual relationship by having strive with others.
Well if you are anything like I used to be, let me just tell you that you are damaging yourself badly. I realized that if something bothered me I would oppress those feelings and not only was I affecting myself but I was also affecting the relationship by not being open about them. I think most can relate- if you hate confrontation it’s because you’re either scared of it, or try to avoid drama, or another excuse I would tell myself was that I always wanted to stay positive and not dwell on things that might turn into a negative situation.
Well after really praying about it and reading God’s word I realized that God actually confronted people LEFT and RIGHT. He was def not afraid and when something was wrong He made sure He addressed it. He did this out of love for the people and their spiritual life. What kind of friend would Jesus have been if He didn’t correct others of their wrong doings and in return letting them live in sin?
So yes, it’s healthy to address situations in a Godly manner, and there are many verses about this in the Bible.
I think our problem, is that people associate confrontation as something aggressive and negative but if people learned how to confront people the right away and people were opened to hearing someone else’s perspective on the situation the world would be a much better place. When we confront and address issues not only can we learn and grow from it but we can fix relationships by doing so too.
Trust me, if I can do it so can you. Lol I was literally the worst at this and avoided my feelings that led to losing friendships, and even romantic relationships. It made me selfish because instead of trying to understand why they felt the way they did, I erased them from my life completely. Its unfair to leave people without any answers, and unfair to not even acknowledge someone else’s point of view just because of fear of being confronted by it.
I hope this encourages you to be courageous and take those steps to self reflect and weed out the situations that have been sitting on your heart for awhile now. Reflect on why you felt the way you did, think of a way you are able to bring this subject up to the person you’re speaking to, but most importantly realize that by not saying anything you are hurting your spiritual life by having strife with your neighbor. Jesus wants us to love one another, and to help each other grow and build each other up, and we can’t do that if we are always trying to find ways to avoid what’s hurting us.