I started 2018 really strong, and my busy lifestyle kept me occupied most of the time from really digging deep into my feelings and getting too emotional over anything. This year my relationships took a toll on me, it caused me never ending emotional rollercoasters, some good some bad but both very important in order to grow and learn something that I would take into 2019.
So lets start with the relationships that everyone is most curious about, my romantic ones. Guys, I feel like I dated a lot this year. It all started this summer where I met a guy in Miami and I really liked him. I think we were both very similar, he was super funny and we thought a lot alike. I ended up meeting his parents in one of my many trips to Miami and I probably had the worst anxiety of the year that day. Meeting the parents… what does that mean? Is it serious? Anyway, being as confident as I am in my morals and what I believe as a person will not let me morph into someone I’m not just to please the other person. Hence, the “break-up”. What I learned from that is that the world really is full of people that truly just want to have a good time and live a life with no responsibilities, no matter how “sincere” and “kind” they may seem. At the end of the day dating someone that’s a Christian ultimately is what it boils down to. Then the other serious thing that was happening not so long ago tought me to have emotional boundaries. I actually had never heard about these until I watched this youtube video! I think I get super emotionally attached to a guy if they seem to check everything off my list, because in my head Im like “Okay, I think he may be the one” So I end up sharing too much too fast. However, not being in a stage where those type of things should be discussed ends up being a bad thing. Each stage comes with different things to share and that’s okay, not everything needs to be shared all at once. Also, guard you heart is what I learned this year.
One of the most important relationships I had this year was with people I barely knew, some even strangers. These were the relationships I cherished the most in 2018 because it took me out of my comfort zone, helped me to be selfless and also taught me to care for people the way Jesus cares for me. Most of these relationship were people that I met through social media that ended up attending something I posted about including church. I absolutely loved being able to pour into people with love and kindness and just be there for them when they really needed someone to talk to. These relationships are the ones that made me feel most fulfilled, because I started to think of me less, and think about others and their needs more which is ultimately our calling on earth as believers.
Then there’s friendships, that I think are harder work than romantic relationships sometimes. These relationships aren’t disposable, unless something really really bad happens. Friends are really like family, and once you’ve gotten to a point of comfort, theres really no going back. This year I had to confront my best friend, which is something I actually hated to do with a passion, and I never did it until this year. I ignore. I love ignoring things. I’m good at ignoring, cutting people out of my life and moving on. However, this friendship was and still is too deep too just get rid off. So what did I have to do? I had to resolve it. I had to share how I had been hurt by this person, and how I truly hated the events that had happened. Trust me it was not an easy thing, it was actually one of the hardest things I had to get through in 2018. It was a really messy situation that I could not let go of and it really hurt me to the core. I tell this story because if this had been any other year I would’ve said “bye” to this person in a heartbeat and I had done this so many times in the past but this year I really grew my relationship with God (which is up next) and realized that if God can extend grace and forgive why cant I do the same with other people? Moral of the story: Confrontation is okay when done right. I also have a blog post on this.
You see all relationships differently when you have a true relationship with God because it changes your perspective about everything. If you look back at my previous recap blog posts they were all about something that God was teaching me, or a season where God had really spoken to me etc. but they were all about ME. In 2018 I realized the importance of giving and how much God had done in my life and how much I needed to share His blessings towards me with others. Whether that was through material things, physically or just prayer etc. I chose to let God use me as a vessel for His glory and guys, I have seen His hand when it comes to touching the lives of others, by no means do I think I have the power to change people, but just sharing the bit of information that I know is to be trueing my heart is all God wants from us. He takes care of the rest!
Now my relationship with my family, and most importantly my dad is definitely a type of relationship I dont like to talk about. For those that may be wondering, yes, I do have a dad and he’s very much alive. However, I have never been that close to him, and this year everything really changed when my parents finalized their divorce. Now since I was never super close to my dad the divorce wasn’t a big deal to me, but some of the issues that transpired before the split were events that are truly saddening. As you guys may have already noticed my mom is my everything, she has always fought so hard and she is just the best example of what it means to be a strong independent woman. I know that no matter what she is always going to be there for me with her unconditional love and without my moms support I would not be the person I am today. My dad on the other hand was just not the person I really wanted him to be, he’s not a bad person he just made so many choices that have affected my family as a whole and it’s truly not fair that someone always had to pick up the pieces, which was always my mom. So this year really showed me what people in my family will always be there for me and what people I just really cant rely on, not all family members are going to have a positive impact in your life and that’s okay. You have to be able to move forward and focus on the positive things in your life. Also, family can be cruel sometimes and even hate when you’re doing better than them, so learning to let go and truly let God is a mindset everyone should have in 2019. Don’t let the insecurities of other people hinder the person you’re meant to be!
So that’s it! That my recap of 2018 through relationships! I can only hope I take all this knowledge and put it to good use in 2019. Xoxo